Kundalini

Became one with the hive-mind today.
Shared it with another being who barely knows me. He saw me sparkling and shivering with the rainbow in my veins like frozen lightning. Over exposure turned me into a negative; purple teeth and shocking white halo-hair.

Love Ball

I just feel like a big love ball today.
I love so many people. I love my kids, my husband, my ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. I love my parents, my coworkers. My old friends, my new friends. Even my hookups.
I feel so lucky.
When this comes about in me, I feel like crying.

This year, I have broken up from a dreadful relationship; gotten married and pregnant with/by a wonderful man; graduated from IU with my Master's degree. I feel like I should be over the moon, as they say...But today, OK...the last couple of weeks...has been hard because this is the year my daughter would have been 5. I would be signing her up for kindergarten.

Will I get used to this? This feeling of weird emptiness? Even though I felt alone for a year or more, I wasn't physically alone, and now I am. Last night was the first night alone in this house. I couldn't sleep. I was so anxious. I took the laptop upstairs and read 'Best of Craigslist' until 2 AM and I couldn't see straight anymore.

Things are so good though. Or they will be. Except for the slaying things I see like his changed relationship status on Evolver.net to "I'm over it", and the missing condoms (plan on fucking someone soon? Doubt if they'll be as good as this.)

I have my new dishes. At least I don't have to come downstairs at 3 to pee and see him wallowing in front of his computer drunk and chatting about crop circles.

I am up at 5:01 AM. I came home from work last night at 7, and went straight to bed, woke up at 2. So here I am back at my blog. The blog I can't seem to keep up because I have the feeling that no one will ever read this, and if they did, they probably wouldn't even give a shit.

I try to Twitter, I try to text message, vent on Facebook, Livejournal, and all that. It just never gets anywhere. I have nothing much to say.

When did I become such a sad sack? I used to feel fabulous.

The other day, someone made the comment to me, "I am really surprised you have real Uggs!"
I thought that was really weird. I mean, I am a fashion maven.

I think that if you're going to buy shoes, they should be good ones. I have always been a fan of Birkenstocks, Naots, and Doc Marten's, and those are all crazy expensive (not trendy-expensive)...but they're built to last! I am someone who wears Uggs to the store with PJ pants and I think that's fine.

Today I planted the beautiful chrysanthemums my mom and dad bought for me, just so I can chop them down sometime very soon. I planted bulbs for spring and cleaned out the birdbath.